I wonder about the future.

Or specifically, my future.

I'm at the point in my life where the future is so close, I could almost touch it. By future, I mean life after college. These internships have caused me to think hard, real hard, about what I want to do. Am I seriously going to do accounting for the rest of my life? Is this it? Have I found my career? I just don't know. I haven't even gotten an internship yet. Constantly, I find myself re-evaluating my plans. I plan; I'm a planner. The thing about the future, though, is that things happen that aren't in your plans. You get pregnant. You don't get the job. You get caught up in other things. So, I guess...that freaks me out. It's kinda overwhelming.

I just wonder whether I really will end up working for one of the big 4 accounting firms. I want to know if this is a phase. In five years, where will I really end up? I can tell you what I want or what I envision for myself, but is that hardly ever the case? In 500 Days of Summer, there's a scene that juxtaposes Tom's expectations with his reality. I love that scene because it points out a truth about life. Our expectations are always different from reality. So I expect to be traveling, going city to city doing business, but my reality in the future could simply be me at a desk...still dreaming for that future.

But I have control. Right? I can shape my future. It's not up in the air. It's all up to me. I can do it. I can get my little dog, car, and apartment in the city. I can travel to the places I've dream of since I was little and live in a villa in Europe. Rome. Venice. Paris. Athens. Tokyo. London. Copenhagen. India. China. Angkor Wat.

But still.

And I wonder

if you know

what it means

to find your dreams.

bike to my little villa in the European countryside. warm bread. fresh air. kind people.

I really should be studying instead. Sigh.

Ciao!