I wonder if I will always

....have television as my source of comfort.

Will I always need to have the television on? I think it's really sad that I watch so much T.V.

Oh well. I'm just one of those.

I wonder how much of the world will I see?

How much of the world won't I see?

I'm envious, completely envious, of my friends who are studying abroad and how much they've seen and experienced. All my life, ever since I could breathe, I've always wanted to travel. I've always wanted to go to Europe. My AP World History (which was really a Western Civilization class/European History) will always be memorable to me because it's one of the few classes that I actually enjoyed. I loved learning about King Henry XIII, The Palace of Versailles, or even Joan of Arc. Even if I didn't understand Candide, I can't forget Voltaire and the summer I spent with him.

So as I go through my friends' pictures, I so wish I could be with them to see the museums, eat the food, finally go to the cities and towns I've read about in novels and textbooks. Immerse myself in the various cultures. Be surrounded by buildings and structures older than America. Step into a world with such a rich long history.

One day, I'll just go. But I feel like I won't see as much as I will want to because of what would be my responsibilities at home. Or maybe I'm just making excuses?

I just want to see everything. Even for someone with all the time and money in the world, that's an enormous feat. I may have to accept that I won't get to see all the corners of the globe. And be happy and thankful that I get to see anything.

Europe, I can't wait to see you. :)

I wonder about who I can trust.

And who I can't.

It sucks that the people who I do trust, completely, are out of the country. Thank God I have a couple of people here though that have my back sincerely.

I miss the times when I didn't have to think about this, when I didn't have to doubt friendships. I miss chillin at night with my girls, watching Sex and the City, having random conversations about everything. "Have you ever thought about how weird gravity is?" "That guy in the commercial is cute, I think it's his blue eyes. What is it about blue eyes?" These aren't verbatum, but that's what we'd talk about usually. Anything. And we'd give our honest two cents, no judging (although maybe there'd be some...."are you serious?" or "wtf did you just say?"). I guess I just really miss being myself, free, without feeling so guarded. I can say whatever I want, ask whatever questions were in my head. Be chill. Drama free. Life was so breezy back then.

Thankfully, I can still have these moments with Jasmine and Tracy, or I'd drive myself insane.

I can't wait until Charlotte, Steph, and Nadia come back. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah! One more month.

one for sweden. one for santa cruz. :)

To the liars, ciao!